i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
