dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
