I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
