and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
