what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
