i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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