What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
