I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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