he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
