K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
