he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
