A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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