just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
