If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
