just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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