What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
