She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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