Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
