Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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