Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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