Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
