I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
