Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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