my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
