Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
