i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
