Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
