she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
