my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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