Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Randomize
