I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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