I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
