Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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