I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
one two three fourrrrnication!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize