What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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