I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
