you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
