respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize