Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
