That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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