I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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