she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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