My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
