So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
