Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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