we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
