TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
