i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
