Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize