I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
