WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
