Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
