Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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