I wish life had little blips of pornography
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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