Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
