totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
