True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
