guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
