so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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