I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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