He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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