I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
