I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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