It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
