dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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