She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
