If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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