it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
