: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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