Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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