it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
