So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
