i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
