yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
