PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
