Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
