He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
