I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
